Star Wars didn't rape my childhood, but it did ruin everything else for me.

I must first apologize for any typos. I'm writing this very tired.

Since I put Attack of the Clones in for background noise, I have to admit something: Star Wars slightly ruined my childhood.

No, not in a Ain't It Cool News "OMG!1!1! Lucas rapXXored my childhood" way. However, we must start from the beginning in a time now kinda far away...

My mother told me I was completely over the moon for the original Star Wars in 1977. The idea of a two year old sitting in a movie theater with his parents to see it sounds odd, but I wasn't saying I was normal (and I just dated myself there). However, since Darth Vader scared the hell out of me, it wouldn't be until 1983, when Return of the Jedi came out, that I would see another Star Wars movie in the theater. I remember seeing RotJ and being disappointed there wouldn't be anymore Star Wars movies. However, it's effect on me would be far reaching.

The year after RotJ came out, a new fad in children's toys and tie in TV show called Transformers came out. I'm sure a few of you have heard of it. I did end up with two Transformers for Xmas that year, but it wasn't the same. There was something...missing in my feelings for it. The same with He-Man and G.I. Joe. I just couldn't get into them. Why? Well, my love for Star Wars greatly outweighed any interest in those franchise.

Do you remember the first time you fell in love? You know, the relationship was going great, you know you're going to happily spend the rest of your life with this person/franchise. Then, over time, things just change. Neither person is unfaithful to each other, the situations just change. I remember up until I moved to Germany, any time there was a rescreening of any of the Star Wars movies, I would beg either of my parents to take me.

When I moved to Germany, I started to forget about the movies. I was really geeky up until then, and I figured the change in my life would allow me to be less geeky, to change who I was so I would be more popular and less beat-up on a regular basis. Well, I still was getting beat up the first year I was there, but my plan worked. Unfortunately, I also didn't do as well in school either, but I didn't care. I actually had friends and was socially happy for the first time in my life. I had some great friends there too, but at this point, the obsession that I had was transferred over to music, particularly punk and alternative. Then I started getting into literature and art. Star Wars would become all but lost...until my senior year.

When I started my senior year, I wasn't worried about friends. Since I did a month at the same high school in my junior year, I knew a bunch of people and found like minded comrades. Star Wars would come back into my life inadvertently by way of my friend Seth. I was over at his house and he was showing me around his room when I noticed on a shelf he had up in his room a bunch of Star Wars figures he had lined up. We're talking the original figures here. My eyes lit up and I had to ask "You like Star Wars too?" I was alleviated that someone loved Star Wars as much as I do. Star Wars had finally come back into my life.

In the two years after that, I did a bit of traveling. I moved from Fort Campbell, to a little town called Cadiz, then moved to West Virginia. In that time, I read at least two of the Extended Universe trilogies (The Thrawn Trilogy, The Jedi Academy Trilogy), a number of single standing EU books and the Dark Empire graphic novel. When I moved to WV, my future brother-in-law let me borrow even more books. I watched the Special Editions in the theaters a number of time with my brother. Then the news came out that a new trilogy was being worked on. I think at that that point I realized I was a Star Wars fanboy. I let myself get swept up in all the hoopla of the publicity of the new movie. Who could blame me? My true love was back and in full form. I remember going to the premiere at the Keith Albee Theater in Huntington, WV with my girlfriend (now wife) and being completely enveloped by the excitement of the moment. Many of my friends were there, it was packed, everyone had a great time. I was so wrapped up in the moment, I didn't even care if The Phantom Menace was good. The high I got from it was so amazing that it wasn't until the third time I saw it I started questioning the integrity or the story.

Then the reality of the situation kicked in: the writing of the movie itself was crap. Anakin's character saying "Yippie!" often, Jar Jar Binks, and that podracing scene. How long was it, 2 hours? There were some good points (primarily the duel between Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon and Darth Maul, which IMHO was the best of either series), but we all know the rest of it was crap. I had been let down. It just took me some time to realize it.

Well, 2002 rolls along and lo and behold, another Star Wars movie. I'm sure George Lucas switched his "fanboy=bitch" beacon, because I went running to that one too. I wasn't as disappointed, but I did have to do some justification to claim to enjoy the movie. What was the deal with the Anakin/Padme relationship? Was a 7th grade boy brought in to "punch up" the romantic parts of the script? Why was Anakin made to be a really annoying whiny bitch? Why are the Jedi so frakking stupid? This is the point where I say "Well, the Dooku/Yoda duel was cool (that was a given) and Obi-Wan kicked ass.

It was also around this time when is topped read EU books, thanks to my friend Ginger point out that it was just "pro fanfiction". She was right. I also have a mixed point of view about fanfiction, so that hatchet was easy to bury.

By the time 2005 and "Revenge of the Sith" rolled around, I was to the point of wanting to get it over with. I rarely read any spoilers, unlike with "Attack of the Clones", and the only thing I looked forward too was the Obi/Ani duel. Like a good SW bitch, I went on opening day and afterwards we went to Aladdin Pita to eat and talk about the movie. I tried riding high on the fumes of post-Star Wars moviedom, but it really wasn't there. General Grievous (or as my wife likes to call him, Darth Moranis) was laughable. Then there was the dialouge blockier than Cubism. Heroin chic Padme. Full on whiny bitch Anakin. The entire movie was just dressing for two main plot points: 1) Anakin's turn to the dark side and 2) the duel between Ani and Obi-Wan. I will admit, I did find in this movie brief moments where Lucas got things right. Notice I said moments, not scenes. The scene after Anakin loses to Obi-Wan...was rough. In all honesty, that was well done. Anakin bursting into flames made that scene unforgettable. The scenes where Palpatine gets to be a badass were good because he wasn't corny, he was evil. Finally, the moment the mask goes on Anakin and seals up with a little bit of steam. That was literally (to me) the best scene in either trilogy. That was beautifully done. Not the "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" scene, not Anakin boo-hooing before he goes teh evil. and then the movie was over.

So what happened? Well, Star Wars didn't change, I did. Have you ever watched something from your youth to find out it sucked in all actuality? My wife demonstrated this point by showing me the G.I. Joe movie that came out in the 80's about ten years ago. It was harrowing. However, I should point out that this means doesn't mean I hate the OT Star Wars. Far from it. However, using the mentality that he did on the PT made it so much worse. I have to distance even the trilogies far from each other. OT is on my top shelf, PT is on the bottom. Bad PT!

So, now that the Star Wars are done for the most part, am I interested in the new Clone Wars stuff? Hell no. Haven't watched any of it, don't care to. Do I own the prequel trilogy on DVD? Of course. Since I'm George Lucas' bitch. Actually I use them to fall asleep sometimes. I fall asleep to the original trilogy because they are comfort films, a cocoon of sorts. I fall asleep to prequel films because the writing is garbage and they don't really hold my attention. I do plan on showing the original trilogy to my son when he gets old enough because I love the movies and I hope he does too. As for the prequel movies, well, I'd watch them if he wanted to, but just because I would love him.